She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
