nut hugger
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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