PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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