How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
