How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
