WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
