Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
