Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
