Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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