There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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