he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
