I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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