I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
