dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am one with the molecules
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
