She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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