Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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