I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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