Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
