yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
God I need to hump something, right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
