Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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