Can i not drive my cunt home
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
