Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The feeling are messing with the penis
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
