How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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