epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
