Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
