Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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