One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
