The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
