This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
