Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
