Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
