Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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