My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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