Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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