She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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