Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
