Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
