Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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