Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Buhtt sex?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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