I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
