either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
