I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
