i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
