Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
