It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
