forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
