Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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