No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
