he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize