Only a mothe r could love this liver
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
