His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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