I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
