I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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