Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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