The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
