Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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