i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
