He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
