I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
