Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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