Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
