Someone shit on the floor
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
