They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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