just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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