you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
