After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
