I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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