And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
