yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
