i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
