Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
